The meaning of aloha is to share breath with one another. And so, what I want to invite you right now is to put your hand on your belly.
Breathe deeply into your belly. Feel your hand move.
Feel what’s going on in your body. You may feel full. You may feel some excitement, fear. Maybe numb. Maybe nothing at all. And all those feelings are okay. Or no feeling.
This is going to be all about awareness – what’s going on in your body. Really try to pay attention to your body as you’re listening to me.
I am a master coach. I take people through deep transformation. We go on a journey together and create the impossible.
One-on-one coaching, that is my zone of genius.
First, I’m dyslexic, ADD, and OCD.
At a very young age, I created a perfect system to get through a system of education. I figured out if I didn’t feel anything in my body, if I just stayed numb to any emotions that are happening in my body, that I could do anything.
There were two more pieces to that: to always, always look good. And most importantly, do whatever it took to not look bad.
Anybody ever had that experience of going through life like that?
Yeah. And so, over the course of 20 years, I created seven different businesses in two different states, from Hawaii to California, and I traveled back and forth from Hawaii, I was living in Hawaii, to California running the businesses.
I thought that was the way to be successful.
People saw me as successful – flying around, doing all this stuff.
Made millions of dollars as an entrepreneur.
And yet, I was unhappy.
I felt nothing.
Didn’t know what joy was.
Body. What’s going on in your body? Pay attention.
So, my son, Sage, was three years old, maybe going on four years old. And I’m going in his bedroom to tell him goodbye.
“I’m going on another one of those businesses trips and I’m leaving you to go make money,” in something that is unfulfilling to me.
He looked at me, said, “Daddy, don’t leave. Don’t go, daddy.”
And my body lit up. I felt so much fear and anger and sadness. My heart was broken. Tears were running down my face.
As I got in that car and drove to that airport, I committed to myself to using this energy that I feel in my body, to creating the life that I know that I wanted, that my father and mother modeled for me. And that’s what I did.
Closed them both down, even the dojo.
People would say, “How can you do that? That must be the most painful thing. You’ve had these businesses for 20 years.”
I say, “No. Pain is my son sitting on his bed crying saying daddy don’t go.”
Closed them down, went back to Hawaii, took on coaching fulltime. I was one of those coaches that, man, I had 10 clients, barely making it. Scraping by. But, I was committed to doing whatever it took.
I was creating my own reality and using that fear and discomfort, and leaning in to it committed to creating that life.
Creating your own reality.
So, I was up in the morning before I came here, journaling about what I was going to talk about.
My son, Bodhi, comes out and wants to cuddle. So, I put down my journal, and I’m holding Bodhi and it’s just the two of us.
He says, “Daddy, what are you doing?”
I tell him I’m writing about being an integrated leader.
He looks me in the eye and says, “What is an integrated leader?”
Oh, man. I’ve got to explain to an eight-year-old what an integrated leader is?
So, I gave it a shot.
I said, “Bodhi, you know that feeling inside in your heart when it feels really big and you can actually feel it on the inside? Well, the integrated part is feeling it on the inside and bringing it to the outside.”
“And then, the leadership is being able to model it and teach it for people to do the same, to bring them up to be in their greatness.”
He smiled and I could tell he was getting it. It was pretty cool.
He’s like, “Great. How do you do that?”
Oh, sheesh. This is deep.
There’s four qualities of an integrated leader.
First quality, to commit. Commitment is everything.
Bodhi, do you know the way that I’ve committed to your mother? Fifteen years ago in Venice on a gondola, my love to her and to go on this journey no matter what. My life partner.
He’s nodding his head.
And he said, “And?”
He loves to say, “And? What’s next?”
Support, Bodhi, is a key ingredient to the way that I show up. I have a community of coaches and entrepreneurs in my life, like all of you here.
Power, Bodhi, is being willing to show all your emotions, and feel them in your body. Mad, sad, glad. It’s okay to feel your emotions and to show them.
Bodhi, the fourth one is courage.
Courage: willing to feel fear in your body and discomfort, and doing it anyways.
There’s four quadrants in being an integrated leader. Your body, your work, your spirit, and relationships.
Those four quadrants, to me, are what is a whole, integrated leader, for me to train at all four of those quadrants, and bringing those qualities to all four of them.
I practice at it daily.
So, think about that for yourself. What’s going on in your body? What’s the one that gives you the most fear or excitement in your body right now?
What’s the one that you don’t want to do? Work on your body? Maybe your business? Spirit? Or relationships?
Just check in with yourself. This is about awareness. What’s going on in your body?
Bring all your emotions to the table. Don’t shy away from them. Man, I was a shutdown individual. I would have never, ever gotten vulnerable on stage. Let alone to someone I love, someone I’m doing business with. I show up to coaching calls like that, vulnerable and transparent.
Transparent. I model it and I ask the same of my clients. And do it from a place of courage. Experiencing fear and discomfort in your body, and choosing to move forward anyways.
Can I get that commitment in here from everybody?
I thank you all for being courageous, in advance. In Hawaiian, we say Mahalo.